Mental health · Uncategorized

The Question of Worthiness

“I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.” – From You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Sorry for not posting in a little while, friends. I was waiting for something to come to me that I really wanted to write about, and here we are! Learning about self worth and changing my opinion of self worth has been a critical turning point in recovery for me. I used to base all of my self worth on my actions and the things I was doing. If I was doing lots of good things such as going to work and keeping up with my self-care practices of yoga, meditation, reading, and journaling, then I would feel awesome about myself. I would feel deserving and worth something because I was doing things that I thought made me worthy. But then my depression and anxiety will creep up and I would slack off on my “worthy” activities and I would feel like utter crap about it. I would talk down to myself about being lazy and staying in bed and not doing anything except feeling sorry for myself. I would feel extremely unworthy. I would equate inactivity with unworthiness and activity with worthiness.

I thought this way for a very long time without even thinking about it. I thought this way up until about a month ago. Then I was reading a chapter from David Burn’s Feel Good Therapy that said self-worthiness is the same for everyone. It is constant. Your self worth never changes no matter what you do. This was hard for me to grasp at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, and I felt a sense of relief and calm. We wouldn’t tell a child who couldn’t tie their shoes “you’re worthless!” so why would we tell ourselves that we are worthless when we are struggling with something? Every human life has the same worth.

Having this newfound knowledge is a real source of power for me. I feel stronger knowing that I am worthy no matter what I do. It has helped me overcome potential depressive episodes. Just this past weekend I had a few too many drinks and I was feeling very out of sorts on Sunday and Monday. I felt fatigued and ill and my body was really punishing me for the liquor I had consumed. Normally I would have felt awful about myself for having drank too much and spent a lot of time in bed feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I accepted that I had made a mistake and decided I would focus on feeling better rather than feeling sorry and worthless. My mistake didn’t change my worth. I said out loud to myself, “I love me” and it felt true.

I know the whole self worth concept might seem simple and maybe even a little cheesy, but for someone like me who has struggled my whole life with self worth, this was an extremely important learning experience. I hope some of you will be able to relate and maybe even let go of some feelings of unworthiness.

Thanks for listening ❤️

– Jill

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